The Next Games
by derekbelcher
Summary: A series of one-shots that deals with specific moments between Peeta and Katniss as they have returned to the Capitol for the Quarter Quell. The plot line picks up where Small Steps ended.
1. Back in the Capitol

**A/N:** This story is a series of "one-shots" that deal with certain parts of "The Quell" that I think may have been different based on my version of Katniss and Peeta in my other fanfic – **Small Steps**. Not sure how many chapters to expect. Hopefully this will bridge to the "post-rescue" part of MJ.

**If you haven't read Small Steps, search it out and read it to fully appreciate where I was going here.**

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor will ever claim to own anything related to the HG. SC's creativity and brilliance is far beyond my wildest dreams. All credit goes to SC.  
**

**Back in the Capitol**

The train roars into the Capitol, but the reception is anything but warm and rowdy. Just a year ago, Peeta was standing and waiving out the windows at the countless faces that were excited to see their new game pieces arriving.

I was completely closed off and on a mission of survival.

This year, it's different. I am still on a mission, but this time it's a mission of protection for the one that I love. I am determined that my _husband_ will return back to the district.

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that Peeta and I exchanged marriage vows and consummated our union less than a day ago.

We decided, quickly, that we would not immediately broadcast this news; and maybe not tell anyone at all. We would wait and see if it could somehow benefit our standing in games.

Hand-in-hand we step off the train and immediately we are mobbed by a large gaggle of reporters. Apparently we are the main attraction, and why wouldn't we be? We are the star-crossed lovers whose sliver of hope at the chance for a happy ending was shattered by the announcement of this year's tributes.

Peeta does most of the talking, and I grip his hand tighter with each word. I surprise myself at how much I have grown to need him to protect me from these uncomfortable and awkward moments.

Once we are in the training center we have to separate and meet, individually, with our stylists.

The only face that I am relieved to see in this process is, of course, Cinna. After some small talk, I quietly whisper the news of my marriage. Sensing that we want to keep this news _hidden_, Cinna just smile and gives me a long embrace.

"Good for you _Girl on Fire_," he said.

Our training approach is different as we are tasked with trying to find allies this year. Haymitch is nothing like his usual self, mostly sober and acting with a purpose. I am not sure how to take this, but decide at least he is coherent.

The training days are long and rather uneventful. Looking around it is more like a reunion as all of the tributes save for Peeta and I have spent time together over the years.

While the days are long and somewhat boring, the nights are special. While the activities of our wedding night were incredible and created a whole new hunger within my body and soul, it's not the reason the nights are so special. No, they are special, because I have given myself completely to another person and we spend the hours of sleeplessness talking and learning each other's deepest secrets.

When he is asleep though, I am consumed with fear. This fear is deeper than anything I have felt in my life. It is the fear of losing him. While I have embraced the notion that I am going to my death, to save his life, I am mortified at the thought of failing and having to _live_ without him.

It is amazing how quick someone can become an extension of your own soul. Peeta is a part of me and that makes me vulnerable.

I silently wonder if we have been successful at keeping our relationship status a secret, as I am sure that my body radiates with love and affection that can only be found in truth.

The last day of training, our formal evaluation proves to be slightly satisfying as Peeta and I both commit small rebellious acts in front of the game makers.

Whereas my antics with the arrow and the apple last year seemed to have amused Haymitch down to his very core, our new acts of standing up to the game makers this year seems to unnerve him.

Maybe that is what prompted him to tell us that we did not need coaching for the interview today. This is great news! We can spend the entire day together, in private.

Maybe this will be our last day to spend as husband and wife, without fear of retaliation, or interruption.

It doesn't take long for us to decide to spend this day on the roof the training center -our little escape from the world below.

We take a basket of food, blankets and love to the roof top.

"What are you thinking about" he asks?

My mind immediately goes to the plan I have formulated in my head, the one where I will give everything I have, including my life to keep him alive and the victor of these games.

But I lie, "I am thinking how lucky I am to have found you in this life."

It has multiple meanings. I am lucky to have found him in my lifetime. But it is even greater luck, no maybe it's not luck, but divine purpose that I found him in _this_ type of life we have lived.

For whatever reason, I can't help but think that Peeta was brought into this world to save me and in turn, I was brought into this world to inspire hope in his heart.

"We are both lucky, really. Sure we are getting ready to risk our lives again, but I am completely at peace…" he says, but stops himself before he finishes the sentence.

I search his eyes for what was left unsaid, but he just smiles at me and quickly draws my attention away with a kiss.

There has been a question on my mind since our first conversation in the cave last year. "Peeta, why me" I ask?

He stares off toward the setting sun and seems to think, deeply about his answer. I prop myself up on my elbow and turn towards him.

"Do you see the sun," he begins? I look toward the sunset and take in the beauty of the soft orange burn as it quickly descends toward the horizon.

He continues, "The power that is in that ball of fire is raw and uncontainable. It is a force all of its own without boundaries. It is a free spirit, so to speak. You are the sun in my life, Katniss. You are that spirit in my life that inspires freedom and a raw passion for survival. But just like its color is soft, so is your heart. I knew from the first time that I saw you and heard you sing that you were something amazing. Just like the sun, you are unique and nothing compares to your radiance."

I am not sure when the tears started to stream down my cheeks, but I am looking into his blue eyes with a blurred vision.

It's not that he feels this way about me right now. That would be expected from someone that promised their life to you. It's because he felt this way the first time he saw me. I don't deserve to be loved like this.

Though underserved, I am thankful for the blessing of knowing this type of love in the short life that remains for me.

I am glad that he doesn't ask the same question of me. I don't think my answer would be comparable to his. All I can say is a simple "thank you."

With the setting of the sun, we are snapped back into reality that the interviews are quickly approaching.

I remember last year's interview and wonder to myself, how it could be topped.

It was Peeta's ability to harness a crowd with his captivating speech that set us up to survive. His admission of love brought the vital sponsors that sent well-timed gifts.

Watching the interviews this year is a bit more amusing. Apparently, the field of tributes is near and dear to the hearts of the simple minded Capitol people. When I walk on the stage, I observe more tears than smiles.

My interview progresses quickly. The conversation is minimal. No matter how many times I gave a prepared speech on the tour, I am still a backward girl from a backward district. My shining moment is found in Cinna's skillful hand.

"Your dress is special this year. I made a few alterations that are _you_," he had whispered earlier.

When Caesar asks me if there is anything I would like to say, I make a small remark about how I wish he could have attended my wedding, and with the gasp of the crowd, stand and extend my arms to show off my _beautiful_ dress.

_Amazing_ I think to myself. In a matter of seconds the gown that I was _forced_ to wear has been consumed in a special fire and gives way to my public emergence as theMockingjay. Cinna had warned me that this outfit was _special_.

What he didn't tell me was that I might insight a riot. It took Caesar a full five minutes to regain his composure and calm the crowd.

All that was left was Peeta. I stood with Haymitch off the stage and watched the love of my life as he charmed the crowd with his candid conversation.

I was about to turn away from the monitor when I heard Caesar ask Peeta how he felt when he learned that his _happily ever-after_ was being challenged by the fate of the games draw.

"Well Caesar, finding out that we were going to be back in the arena and pitted against one another was especially hard…because I knew I would have to face my _wife,"_ he said.

But before Caesar could comment, Peeta continued, "But that's not the hardest part of all of this. The hardest part will be trying to protect our baby."

Bombshell. He has done it again. Half the crowd is groaning in agony, some are sobbing openly, while many are shouting for the games to be cancelled. I find it ironic that these people are apparently upset at the thought of killing a mother-to-be, but have no problem cheering and betting on the lives of children.

I am not sure what angle, other than sheer sympathy, Peeta could be searching for, but I have learned to trust him and hope that it will help swing sponsors our way. I will have a much easier time keeping him alive with well-timed gifts in the arena.

That night, as we lie in each other's arms, I am overcome with the feeling of sorrow. For the first time, I am dreading giving up my life. Not because I have a desire to live my life, but because I can see the happiness that I apparently bring into his life.

It is still hard for me to believe that I could elicit such feelings in someone's heart. I silently wish that there was some way I could help him, after I am gone, to carry on and continue being that radiant hope for all those around him.

"Peeta, after all that we have pulled this week, it is very likely that the game makers will be instructed to ensure our deaths," I say.

"I have thought of that too. Actually very often," he replied.

I need to tell him something. I need him to have these words to hold on to in case I am successful in saving him and sending him home – alone.

"I love you," is all that I can manage.

Nothing else I could have come up with would top that. The look in his eyes, both pained and adoring, tell me that there is nothing more in this world that he longs to hear and store in his heart.

"I love you too. Sweet dreams," he whispers as he kisses my lips.

A/N: Just a small one-shot at the time during the training before the Quarter-Quell. As I stated before, I think that their true feelings surfaced a lot more after they left for the games a second time, and during their time in the arena. Not really much to change to make them _love_ anymore than they did in SC brilliant work.

Next Chapter will focus on the Quell and some of the moments they shared, particularly how they came across to their new allies.

Reviews would be awesome!


	2. Conflicted

**A/N:** Second one-shot, in the arena. Exploring the thought of how conflicted one would feel to be in love, but at the same time trying to figure out a way to let go.

I own nothing related to THG. All credit to SC.

**Conflicted**

When I woke up this morning, we shared a long hug a quick kiss and then we were directed to our respective areas to be prepped for the arena.

The déjà vu of this morning is unnerving. I can't believe I was here just a year ago. My mentality is much the same though. I am on a mission and focused. What is different is the target of that focus.

I am not trying to survive. Not until the end anyway. I am on a mission to send the one person I can't live without back home – to live without me.

He has to live. There is no other option. My life is a wreck. From the moment I was brought to the Capitol last year, I feel like I have had a target on my head.

It is funny to think that such a simple girl from such a simple district could cause the powerful Capitol so much headache, and without even really trying.

I was playing their game last year. I wasn't trying to start a rebellion. I may have been rebelling on my own a little, but it was my personal endeavor, not the call for everyone to take up arms.

However, for whatever reason, I am the target that must be destroyed and I have convinced myself that when I am gone, those that I love can have a life. However oppressed it may be, it will still be a life.

Part of me knows that I will be battling Peeta again in this arena. Not for survival but for the chance to sacrifice a life. Haymitch made it perfectly clear that Peeta was going to do all he could to keep me alive.

That is what Peeta does. He protects me at all costs, usually at his cost, but he never waivers. So the battle will be to see who can succeed in their mission of sending the other one home.

As I walk down the corridor to the launch room, I am almost hardening my heart toward him. The last thing I need to do is become soft and vulnerable. Peeta responds when I am fierce and commanding.

That emotional approach will be my best weapon to keep the edge and succeed.

Inside the launch room, I see Cinna and immediately I am happy that he is here, and I am also scared for him. He really went out on a limb with the dress at the interview. A move that will surely bring on a fiery response from Snow.

"Be careful out there Katniss. Oh, Haymitch wanted me to remind you to remember who you are fighting…whatever that means," he said.

I was puzzled earlier today when Haymitch gave me those parting words. Nothing like a drunken mentor to send you into the most dangerous situation of your life with a cryptic message. _Idiot_, I had thought to myself when we parted ways.

**Later…**

**A/N: Skipping through the launch tube, and initial blood bath. No point in rewriting what is already there. **

Our newly formed, yet uncomfortable alliance group heads up the hills through the jungle landscape. We need water.

This is harder than I thought. Not the games, they have almost become second nature, which is its own right, is really sad. No, what has become hard, almost instantly, is distancing myself from my feelings for Peeta.

He had a very confused look on his face when I was short and commanding with him earlier. Maybe he was expecting a hug, but instead got marching orders and we set off as a group.

What I wanted to do was hug him and kiss him and tell him how glad I was that he was still with me.

But I am on a mission and I am busy trying to figure out this weird alliance that happened without my trying. I am leery of Finick and still trying to figure out his angle.

It is a good thing I have decided to go with the cold-shoulder approach to Peeta, because I certainly don't want to give Finick ammunition with which to hold over my head.

Instead, I want him to focus on me as his greatest threat to victory and forget Peeta even exists.

When we reach the top of the hill I am a little disappointed. I was half expecting a lush lake to be just on the other side. Maybe that was just my thirst talking.

In exasperation, I look upward and it catches my eye - that little shimmering square that signals danger.

My glance falls back to the group just in time to see Peeta reaching out with his knife. The scream catches in my throat as the loud zap resonates through the air.

Peeta falls backwards and is lifeless.

I am waiting for the cannon. I am unable to move, to breathe. It's over. I failed.

While I am having my internal pitty party, Finick has dropped to Peeta's side and is _kissing him_. No, he is breathing air into Peeta's lungs. I just stare with tears streaming down my face.

After what seems like hours, Peeta coughs, inhales a large breath of air and looks around wildly.

Unnatural sounds escape my throat and my arm are around his neck. I am sobbing, uncontrollably, to the point that Peeta has become the comforter.

All that resolve I had before is gone. In a matter of seconds I have let Peeta back into the place in my mind, my heart and my soul.

I am so torn with emotion at how I am going to be able to leave this person. How am I going to be able to lay down my life for him when my heart and mind are telling me what I am losing?

The look on Finick's face tells me that my deception is over, and he is fully aware that there are deep feelings between Peeta and I. But I am not worried. For whatever reason he brought Peeta back. That must have been a first for the games. In a contest where you are trying to eliminate all competition, CPR is probably not the most useful skill.

After a couple days of new horrors from the game makers, new additions to our alliance, painful deaths and general fatigue, we have made camp on the beach.

I am going to have the first watch, and Peeta joins me. We really haven't spoken much since the force field episode. I chalked it up to both of us being so bent on keeping the other alive.

But here in the quiet of the night, my mind starts to reel with the thoughts of being apart again. Apparently the same thoughts are plaguing Peeta as he breaks the silence.

"Katniss, I need to tell you something," he says.

"I am not stupid. I know that you are trying to keep me alive, and want to sacrifice yourself to send me home. I won't even lie and tell you that I didn't have the same thought process," he said.

Well this isn't really earth shattering news, but I listen anyway.

"I guess we are at the mercy of whoever Haymitch picked to help this time," he continued.

"But you have so much more to live for than I do. You can have a life beyond all of this. You already have a family that adores you and I know that you would have affection and love without me,"

Instanly, I know he talking about Gale. After all that we have shared and all that we have been through, he is still thinking of that .

"I have nothing waiting for me. My family won't grieve me for long, and I have only loved you, and no one else, so there is nothing else for me beyond this arena. I am begging you to let me leave this world with the satisfaction of never failing to give you everything," he finished.

Tears are streaming. I hate how he does this. Not the mushy speeches, but the obvious love that is oozing from his soul and how it cuts to the core of my heart.

"Peeta, when are you going to realize what you mean to people – what you mean to me" I said.

"Could I have a life with Gale, or someone else? Sure, I guess so. But do I want that? Do you really think that I want anyone else? No, I don't."

I was becoming mad to an extent. I went on, "what I want Peeta is for all those I love to be safe from harm. I want my sister to grow up and my mother to live, and I want you to have a life that isn't tainted by being close to the rebel girl that seems to set the Capitol on fire with all that she does. Me sending you home as the victor is the best chance for everyone to live a peaceful life."

"Peeta, my wish is that you can go on and live. I want you to remember me and to love me no matter what, but I want you to live your life. In you, I will go on," I said through silent tears.

His lips are crushed against mine. I don't know if he is savoring one last kiss, or if he just wants me to quit talking. It doesn't matter.

I immediately go from mad and frustrated to warm and open. I love this man. I will always love him. I feel a fire burning deep in my core and channel it all into this moment of passion.

I decide I will allow myself one more moment of pure joy and happiness and will treasure the feeling and thought. It is this hope for his life and the love I feel spilling from my heart that will help me in the final moments.

When the moment has passed, I don't feel so conflicted anymore. I only feel a resolve to ensure his survival.

I silently pray that he will be able to hold on and draw strength from the knowledge that I loved him so completely.


	3. Waiting

**A/N: **This has been a series of one-shots that takes a look at how things may have differed slightly from the perspective I introduced in my other read "Small Steps". This chapter walks though an overview of the beginning of MJ before Peeta's rescue.

Again, I own nothing related to THG.

**Waiting**

Walking through my district, or what's left of it, is the most painful thing I have had to do. The hurt in my heart is almost unbearable.

Even after all that I have lived through in my short 17 years of life, and all the atrocities I have seen the Capitol inflict on all of us – this is just unimaginable.

Rounding the corner where the _town_ buildings used to start and my eyes fall on a special heap of rubble. The tears are spilling freely and I can't control the sobs as I look at what used to be the Mellark Bakery.

It's as if the wounds in my heart have been ripped to new depths. Just like this pile of rubble still smoldering from the bombings, so is the hope that I have of ever seeing Peeta again.

"Katniss, do you need me to come down there with you," he said and I can feel the anxiety in Gale's voice. Hovering just overhead somewhere, he is watching me as I look firsthand at the destruction of my once small district.

"No…I'm almost finished," I force out.

I turn my eyes away from the smoldering remains of the bakery and start the journey toward my house in the village. For whatever reason they left these standing, probably just to rub it in our face that the Capitol will always stand.

I walk in the back door and it looks just the way it did when I left the day of the last reaping. Neat and tidy, as if my family was expecting to return home at any second.

I glance out the window and see Peeta's house. I collapse to the ground, clutching my stomach as if my insides may just spill out on the floor beside me.

I can't bear to think what they might be doing to him, or what they did to him before they killed him. Silently, I almost wish that he is dead and no longer suffering. Finick's words bounce off my head and I know that is wishing too much.

_They'll keep him alive until they figure out how to use him to break you_ he said as we lay in the medical area of the hovercraft.

I tried so hard to make it back to Peeta. I had no idea what was happening in the arena, but knew that my mission was to save his life at all costs.

I was supposed to die in that arena. But I was – no we were used as pawns by those that we trusted.

The rebellion considered us as expendable. That was the only reasonable excuse for not telling us any part of the plan. At least, that train of thought seemed to be plaguing my mind right now.

I didn't need to know the whole plan, but any part of it, especially the fact that we, Peeta and I, could have escaped together would have been enough for me to act differently and not let him out of my sight.

I hated Haymitch for putting me through this. He was the sole focus of blame in my heart. Both Peeta and I had poured out our hearts to him, begging him to help each of us save the other.

He watched as we shared our toasting ceremony, pledging our never-ending love to one another. He never said a word.

I grabbed the few items I wanted in the house, including a very angry and confused cat and made my way outside.

Back on the hovercraft, I curled up on the bench seat in the back and tried to drown out my sorrow on the short ride to district 13.

Somehow I am glad that Gale is here with me. He is the only one I think I can trust right now. Though he doesn't comfort me the way Peeta does, just having something familiar seems to calm my nerves – a little bit.

"Katnip, I am so sorry about Peeta –," he began, but I quickly shot him a cold glare and he stopped in mid-sentence.

"I just want you to know that I am here for you…I have _always_ been here for you and I will help you get through this somehow," he said. Then he turned and walked out of the room.

I am in a small compartment that doubles for a family living quarters. The Everdeen assigned place of residence in the very drab district 13.

I don't like anyone here. Part of me doesn't like the _drone_ feeling of everyone just moving from one place to the next as if they have no free will – too Capitol like.

The other part of me detests the idea that these people have been here all along and never did anything to try and help us.

When I saw Prim for the first time, I was overcome with a mix of emotions. Grief at the thought of family lost – Peeta. But I was also overcome with pure joy at seeing a face that I had let go on the train to the second games just a short time ago.

She was always my reason for living. To provide for her every need, that was my daily mission. I love Prim more than anyone else in this world. For 16 years she was all that really mattered to me.

The look in her eyes tells me that she has seen more than any 13 year-old little girl should ever have seen. Her innocence completely lost by the travesty of living in this time period.

But there is also an unspoken hurt in her eyes that says, _I know how bad you are hurting and I miss him too_.

The thought never really occurred to me until now, but of course there are more people that miss my Peeta. His affectionate demeanor and selfless love of life obviously touched more than just me.

In the short time that we were _us_, he had taken to Prim like she was his own little sister. He loved her genuinely and somehow I knew that he would be there for her after I was gone.

Prim catches me up to speed on the way things work here in 13. She shows me a schedule imprinted on her arm and tries to help me see the brighter side of the situation. We have plenty of food, protection, and we are in full scale rebellion of the Capitol.

It is her _sunny disposition_ that makes me miss him even more – my dandelion in the spring, the breath of fresh hope that radiated from his inner soul.

I have been deemed mentally unstable, probably not a bad diagnosis, and therefore do not have the privilege of any schedule yet.

After what seemed like days of aimless wandering around the corridors of 13, I ran into Gale. He was on his way to the command level for a meeting with the _higher-ups_.

I decided to tag along. Partly, I wanted to see some of the inner workings of this rebellion, and another part of me just wanted the company of someone familiar.

My presence was obviously unexpected, but I received a warm welcome from none other than Plutarch. At first glance, he royally pissed me off. Just knowing the horror he inflicted on me as the head games maker made me seethe with anger.

Even if he was just pretending, he still allowed the horror to go on in that arena with each tick of the clock. He was there when they played a shrill recording of an obviously tortured Prim.

I couldn't even look at him. He must have understood, because he made no attempt at conversation, other than to tell me he was glad to see me there.

After a half hour discussion about my role as the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion I was informed that there was a video they thought I should see.

When his face filled the screen, my heart melted. He looked perfectly normal. His eyes showed signs of sleeplessness, but his skin glowed, and his hair was neat and his eyes…they were a blue that just doesn't seem possible.

He was seated on the stage where our interviews had been conducted prior to each game, and was bantering back and forth with Caesar.

I almost forgot that he was in any sort of danger. He seemed comfortable. Maybe he was _too comfortable_.

During the conversation he spoke of how much he missed me and that he regretted ever letting me out of his sight. I was falling in love with him on a new level, when the conversation took a turn for the worse.

Deceived. That is word he used to describe what must have happened to me. He was worried about the torture I must be undergoing at the hands of the villains – the rebels.

He begged for a cease fire and for the rebels to let me go. He begged them to quit tearing the nation apart.

It was then that I realized that every eye in the room in on me and the look of anger has filled those around me. I see my husband, the love of my life on the screen pleading for my safety.

All everyone else seems to see is a traitor.

When the video feed cuts off, silence fills the space around me. President Coin speaks first and remarks at how Peeta is obviously chosen to remain loyal to Snow and the Capitol.

Before I can come to his defense it is Haymitch that has spoken up. I didn't even realize he was in the room until now.

"That boy is not fighting for the Capitol and you are all damn fools if you think this is anything less than a trick," he said.

"They're using him…to try and get to her," he finished. Then he turned, glared at me with a look of sorrow and pain, and walked out of the room.

Once again, Finick's words were loud and clear in my mind. _They'll use him to break you._

The quickest way to throw me off course and get my mind somewhere else would be to show me that he is alive and to have me worry every second of every day of the danger he is in.

I remember Snow's words in my house that day before the victory tour about how he could get to anyone I loved and have them disappear forever.

I know Haymitch is right. Peeta is still a pawn – no more like a trap set to lure me in.

In my room, later that evening, I am consumed with the thoughts of how good he looked, but devastated at the realization that it was probably going to get worse from here on out.

I am also torn at the idea of being the face of the rebellion. I suck at speaking, I am distant at best with anyone other than my family and maybe Gale. Why me?

The answer is in my mind before I finish the thought. It has to be me. Just like Peeta is Snow's greatest leverage against me, I am the best person to keep the districts on fire for freedom.

I don't know why, or how I came to this point, but for whatever reason, I am the trigger that started all of this.

A short conversation with Prim and I decide to be the mockingjay, but I also decide to use my popularity to keep those I love safe from the harm of revenge.

In the next meeting with Coin I lay out my demands for immunity for all the victors, especially Peeta, and the demand that I be allowed to hunt, and that we keep our cat, and a few other small requests.

I have warmed up to Gale a little more in the last couple days, so I include his presence in my demands. This is met with comments about how we shouldn't be flaunting a relationship, that we should probably continue the star-crossed lover angle and I am filled with anger.

I don't think of Gale like that. I am in love with Peeta and the idea that just because I want male companionship when I am hunting must mean I want Gale as my lover makes me sick.

What I hadn't counted on was that Gale was developing that same mindset.

We hunted, ate together, spent time walking the corridors of 13 and pretty much never left each other's side. He is my friend and the only one that I can trust in this world of deception.

He is also the rock that I am leaning on now since the last two videos showing Peeta gave way to his obvious decline in health and resilience.

Then it all came to a head. We were walking back to my family's living space and I was crying. I was upset at the thought of never seeing Peeta again.

When we reached my door, I turned toward Gale and without any warning his lips were pressed against mine and his arms were around me pulling me into him.

I was caught completely off-guard and didn't know what to do. After a few seconds, I broke the kiss and stared at the floor.

Immediately my mind went into a confusion that was all too familiar. But my heart won the battle, reminding me that this isn't what I wanted.

"Gale, what was that for? Why would you kiss me like that," I asked?

"I just want you to know that I never gave up on us, and now we might have another shot at being together. You just seemed to be warming up to me again and…" he said, but I cut him off.

"What made you think that I wanted a relationship with you? Why can't we just be friends and leave it at that," I asked?

I then lowered my eyes to the floor and worked up the courage to say what had to be said.

"Gale, Peeta and I…" I started. I looked up at him and finished the sentence. "We are married."

Total shock registered across his face. He stepped back and seemed to be searching for the right emotional response, and the words to say.

"Kat, I had no idea. Why wouldn't you tell me…? I don't know what to…," he stuttered.

"Gale, we didn't tell anyone. We did it on the train to the games. Only Haymitch, Effie and our prep teams knew about it," I admitted.

Well, there was the announcement at the interview, but most people in my _camp_ would have thought that was just show for the cameras.

"I am sorry if I have given you the wrong idea here. Even if something happens to…," I start, but can't finish without the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I just don't see you, or us that way. I am sorry," I said.

Gale didn't even look back at me, but turned and walked away from me. I was hurt. No matter what I do, or what I try, I will always crush him I guess.

Three nights later, I am sitting in command discussing how we are going to continue with the filming of propos.

The video shoots were a product of Haymitch's weird thinking. He suggested we use me as the _star_ of the rebellion and show me in the various districts that have rebelled against the Capitol as a way to boost morale and keep the other districts pumped up about fighting.

The first one was nearly a disaster as I was almost killed in a surprise attack on District 8, where we were filming me walking through a make-shift medic unit.

During this meeting tonight we were interrupted by a live program feed from the Capitol. I turned my attention to the screen and my heart nearly stopped.

Peeta was handcuffed in the interview chair, clothes filthy and practically hanging off him. He must have lost 20 pounds since the last time we saw him.

His eyes were hollow and sweat glistened off his forehead. I could clearly see bruising hiding beneath the many layers of makeup.

Caesar began the interview and it was obvious Peeta was in distress. He seemed to be fighting with himself as he gave short replies to each question.

It was almost as if he was possessed and each personality was fighting to be the one to answer the question.

He ended the interview by rising up from the chair, glaring at the camera and warning us of an impending attack.

The camera quickly cut away, but the audio remained live. What I heard made the vomit rise to my throat and I nearly fell out of the chair running for the door.

I could still hear each deafening blow and the image of the blood splattering across the screen was enough to make me lose all my stomach contents.

The uncontrollable sobs overcame my consciousness and I passed out in front of the toilet.

When I awoke, Prim had my head in her lap and was gently stroking my hair. She had tear stains on her cheeks and my heart broke for her too.

I was in an unknown part of 13. Looking around me I had the feeling of being in a fallout shelter. The lights were dim and I could see panic on the faces of the 40 or 50 people that were sharing our space.

Prim explained that Coin had ordered a mandatory evacuation of the upper levels in preparation for an attack from the Capitol.

The loud bang and tremor that followed confirmed that we were indeed being bombed. Peeta had warned us just in time.

No one had been unaccounted for and we were all virtually safe from any harm from the Capitol.

As the earth continued to shake with each explosion, I fought to keep the images of Peeta being tortured to death out of my mind.

In the darkness I made my way around the bunker space and found a wide-awake Finick sitting against his bed.

"I know," he said. "I know what you are dealing with."

I knew he understood because the love of his life was in the same danger Peeta was. I think he said her name was Annie.

No matter how hard we tried to strike up conversation that didn't involve Peeta or Annie, they always came up.

After spending close to three days in the fallout shelter space, we were finally allowed to return to the surface levels.

There was significant damage to various parts of the district, but for the most part, we were still whole and ready to press on.

What wasn't whole, was my heart. It had been consumed with fear and grief ever since I came to 13 without Peeta, but now, knowing the torture and seeing the fresh blood, I was a wreck.

I was finally broken. Unable to think, eat, speak even move at times. I was useless.

This became apparent when we were taken outside to film another propo about how we were still alive and well. I couldn't form any type of sentence and the tears just flooded from my eyes.

I had to have him back. I had to hold Peeta again. Dead or alive, I couldn't go on not knowing.

The grief must have been something impressive because I got a shot in the arm and peaceful darkness.

When I woke up, Haymitch was beside my bed in the hospital. He told me there was a rescue mission underway. One way or another Peeta would be in District 13 soon. That or he would be dead.

Dead. I let the thought process in my mind. I can't believe that I am 17 years old and could possibly be a widow in the next few days. I must be the oldest 17 year-old in the world.

I wish that I could have gone on the mission with them. I feel like Peeta should see my face before anyone else, but it's too late, they are already gone.

I don't know what to expect. Even if he's alive, will he be whole, or have they ripped him to pieces? I am a wreck emotionally. How will I be able to help him? How can I help anyone?

**A/N: Going to skip past the rescue and pick up sometime after their first meeting since the games. I am re-reading MJ to get an idea of how Katniss may have handled the hijacking differently. Probably one more chapter to come. It will be the bridge between this story and my version of a post MJ - Pre-epilogue fic. Please review!**


	4. And then we were

**A/N: **This will be the end of this story. This chapter will play around with different possibilities of the post-rescue Peeta and Katniss. There is also a harder line of thought drawn about other relationships…

Hopefully finishing just after the fall of the Capitol. Look forward to the next story about Post MJ and Pre-Epilogue.

All credit for all HG to SC. I own nothing.

**And then we were**

I don't think I have ever moved so quickly nor had such a flurry of emotions as I did running down the corridor toward the hospital wing. He was back. He was alive.

I am surprised at the level of energy I had seeing how I spent the past 36 hours in tears and sobbing from time to time.

The only highlight was the personal moment I had in District 12. We were waiting on news of the rescue mission, and I had convinced my entourage to go to District 12 and let me tell the story of my life there

I was sitting on the rock that overlooks the valley. It's the same rock that I shared with Gale on so many occasions where we talked and dreamed of a life that wasn't possible.

It was there, on that rock, that I told the story of Peeta saving my life with two burnt loaves of bread. I told every detail I could think of and my heart warmed just the same way it did on that very day.

I realized during the story, that I had never really shared the depth of how that gesture made me feel with Peeta. I was sad that I didn't tell him how he saved me, shaped my future, and earned a permanent place in my heart.

Now, I am running past the team of doctors and stand just outside his door. Haymitch caught my arm and explained that Peeta was just waking up from the sleep gas used during the rescue.

He cautions me to be easy as he might be confused with the surroundings. I smile inside. If anyone can help Peeta feel _at home_ it's me.

The next 10 minutes changed my life forever. In one second I see him, am rushing toward him with my arms outstretched, waiting to be crushed by his longing embrace. In the next, I am pinned against the wall with the room growing darker and darker, an unmistakable pressure closing off my airway. He is choking me.

I came to in my own hospital bed. Prim is standing beside me with tears running down her cheeks. She tells me not to talk.

The look of confusion in my eyes prompts her explanation of what happened a few hours earlier. She recounts how Peeta attacked me in his room. Then she goes on about the diagnosis – hijacking.

The ever-optimistic Prim adds in the idea that they don't think it's permanent and I should just be patient and let him come around. But I somehow know that it's over. I had given in to the idea that I would be content with getting Peeta back, one way or another, and this was _another_.

I was off-limits for Peeta. I think it's more excruciating to be in the same vicinity as him and not be able to see, hold or talk to him, than it was when he was on the other side of the world.

I get back outside and hunt, I eat, I wander around, and I exist. The bright spot in this whole ordeal is seeing Finick and Annie together again.

Why she was spared the evil torture, I don't know, and in some way I am resentful of it. But I push that thought process out of my head and enjoy the happiness that I see radiating on Finick's face.

He deserves this happiness. He has paid dearly as the playboy of the Capitol for the past few years. It is nice to see him enjoying normalcy.

I am a little excited when I hear news of their wedding and even offer to take her to my former house in 12 to find something to wear.

The real surprise of the evening is when a heavily shackled Peeta pushes in a cart with the most beautiful wedding cake I have ever seen.

I am hidden by the crowd, so he can't see me, but I see a glint of peacefulness in his mostly blue eyes. Hope wells up ever so slightly in my heart.

After the wedding festivities, Haymitch tells me about how Peeta reacted to seeing his old friend Delly. It was the first time he had been around anyone from his previous life and not melted down. Progress? Maybe.

A couple nights later, Haymitch told me that Peeta had requested to see me. I was scared to the core of my being, but felt the overwhelming urge to go and see him. I owed this to him. To help him in any way possible.

When I walked into his room, he was restrained to his bed. I stood just inside the door and he stared at me so intently that I was almost self-conscious.

"Hey," I said, breaking the tension of the silence.

"Hi Katniss," he replied, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Haymitch said you wanted to see me, so here I am," I said. I was surprised at my tone. I was almost short with him. The truth was I don't really know how to act around him. I am so afraid of setting him off.

"Well thanks for coming by to see me. I did ask for you. I have been asking for you for a few days, but apparently they didn't think that was such a good idea," he said.

"Why are staring at me," I tried, searching for some kind of conversation. I can't believe it is so hard to talk to him. Part of me wants to run to his bedside and _force_ him to remember what we shared, but I am frozen in place.

"I don't know. You aren't what I was expecting," he said.

"Peeta," I start to say something, but Haymitch is in my earpiece telling me to tread lightly.

I can't do this. He is lost to me. He doesn't love me anymore. I don't know how I could ever help him remember what _we_ once were. I want to, but I just don't think I can.

Just when I have given up and turned for the door, Peeta begins to tell me that he remembers the bread. Our first moment, at least the first moment I can think of from my side of the story.

"I remember everything about that day. You, the rain, my mother, I remember it all. I am sorry that I didn't make a better effort to get to know you then. I wasted a lot of time that could have been _us_," he said.

"I guess I really did love you didn't I," he asked?

"Yes you _did _love me," I replied. I wish I could say, you still love me, but it is becoming painfully clear that he doesn't.

I can't believe the Capitol was able to destroy what I thought was so deep it didn't even have a beginning.

"I wish I could remember_ why_," he said.

I was instantly angry with him. It was like he knew just what to say to completely crush me. This is why I never wanted to fall in love, this moment right now.

I have lost Peeta forever. I opened my heart and took him in, and now he is gone, ripped away from me by the Capitol – no by Snow himself.

I turned and stormed out the door without another word and just like I had so many times before, especially after the first games, I put up a wall that would protect me from ever feeling again.

Over the next couple of weeks, I trained as a soldier. I had only one desire that would salvage some part of my existence – to kill Snow.

It took a while to start to get back into shape, but it felt great. My heart hurt, but I was adding a new layer to that wall every day. I wouldn't let my feelings for Peeta stand in my way. In fact, I was never going to make the mistake of opening up again.

Off in district 2, the last district standing in our way of a full-on assault of the Capitol, I was huddled by a campfire talking to Gale.

I looked at him differently tonight. In a way I hadn't let myself look at him, ever. My mind and heart started playing the devil / angel game. _Why couldn't I start some kind of life with him?_ I thought.

I don't want a romantic relationship, but maybe we could be more than just friends. Who would I be hurting now? I am not married any longer. It wasn't official anyway, so no harm – no foul.

As those thoughts raced across my mind, my heart began to hurt. I willed it not to be a part of this process, but it always will be.

My heart belongs to someone else. I gave it away and no matter how hard I try, I will never get it back.

Even if I don't have a life with Peeta anymore, I will never get it back. Even though he doesn't want me anymore, he will always have my heart.

At best, I can hope that someday I don't feel guilty about enjoying physical intimacy with someone, even if there is nothing attached to it.

I am glad that all of this thinking has been inside my head. I look across the fire and see Gale and realize that the last thing he needs it me to screw with his head some more.

I never could really put my finger on the reason why Gale didn't hold a stronger place in my heart. On the outside we seemed like such a perfect fit with being from the same background, circumstances in life and with the same fire in our soul.

But there was always some kind of warning sign in my heart about him and I just haven't put my finger on it yet. Not until today.

We are staring at an impenetrable fortress – the Nut. The mountain layer that houses the Capitol's primary defenses is the last thing standing in our way from taking this district and moving on to the Capitol.

Bouncing ideas back and forth, Gale speaks up with a plan to take the Nut down once and for all. His idea is not to steal it for our use, but to render it useless by anyone.

It is in the details of this plan that I find the answer to my question.

Gale has the ability to block out the sanctity of human life. He is raw and unforgiving. His plan to _bury_ anyone, friend or foe, in that mountain runs all through me.

It is in that plan that I realize that he is not a picture of hope, but of darkness. He is not and can never be a counter-balance to someone like me.

My heart is that of my father's. On the exterior I am cold, calculating and always in survival mode. But on the inside I am soft and delicate.

No one has ever been able to bring that to the surface, well not until I met Peeta.

It is almost satisfying to realize why I can't have a life with Gale, and scary at the same time that I think I understand the depth of his darkness.

In a way, I wonder if he would ever hurt me to accomplish his mission. It is painful to think about.

The plan is accepted and carried out and I watch in horror as the mountain comes crashing down on all those helpless people.

This moment also lends itself to my next brush with danger. Somehow in the process of trying to be_ the mockingjay_, I get myself shot.

When I come to in the hospital back in 13, I am told that district 2 fell. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We can finally make an offensive push on the Capitol.

I also learn that the offensive plan doesn't include me. This spurs me into a mode of training and determination that I haven't had since I was rescued from the arena.

After three weeks of intense training and complete focus, I earned a spot on one of the squads being sent to the Capitol. The weeks have passed quickly and with each passing day I have hardened myself to him a little more. Peeta is slowly fading from my life.

As I boarded the train that would carry my squad to the battlefield I began the process of releasing all those that I cared about. I embraced the probability of my death, but focused on the satisfaction I was sure waited for me as I killed Snow.

One by one, I set them free and was successful until I came to Peeta. Call it divine intervention, but no matter how hard I had tried to forget him and put him out of my mind, he would always pop back up.

Maybe after this life was over, I could understand why he had such a permanent effect on me.

I don't know what is waiting for me at the end of this train ride. I only hope that I can do something that will give everyone a chance. Something that will give _him_ a chance at a life _he_ deserves – a life of hope.

And then we were…off.

**A/N:** The end. I think that Katniss is right in the frame of mind she was in the original SC works. She has all but written Peeta off, but in some way can't do it completely. She has developed a distrust (to an extent) of Gale and his ruthlessness. She is again on a self-serving mission to get some sort of justice for all that has befallen her in this life.

I will pick this up with my next story which will begin, most likely, right after the assassination.

Thanks for the reviews and the "favorites"


	5. AN: Second Chances is out now!

Hey there! My new story is out - at least the first couple of chapters. I plan to really devote some time to this one. Check it out today!

**Second Chances**

_After a lifetime of horror in her first 17 years of life, Katniss is back in her home district without a sister, a mother, without anyone. She has lost all that was important, a price for leading the rebellion. But will life reward her with a second chance she never counted on? This story is post MJ - Pre Epilogue. It is based on my previous story: Small Steps_

Read it today - Click Here


End file.
